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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

i don't give a shit

hellow ladies and gentleman..
lately wani mengalami banyak krisis perasaan..
banyak sampai x lalu makan and jd kurus..
tgk je la entry2 wani sebelum2 ni..
macam2 kan?
hey guys,don't judge me wrong okeyhh
i'm writing not bcoz i want to tell the whole world that "hey guys,aku ade problem nih,meh dgr cite aku"
that was soo wrong okeh..
i'm writing to let the "xpuas hati" feeling in myself faded slowly
coz writing express myself..
i have a diary since i was in standard 6..
since that,i write,write and write..

but then,as time passed by..
slowly i became too busy with a lot of homeworks,PMR,SPM..
and i forgot my diary..

and now,i'm blogging..
kalau boleh mmg aku nak private kan je blog ni
bg invited reader je boleh bace..
tp ade sbb nape aku x private..

the main purpose utk entry kali ni 
aku nak cer how the problems i'm facing lately teach me a lot of lessons..
pengalaman mematangkan aku..
kesilapan menyedarkan aku..
dan kehidupan mengajar aku..

weh korang,korang sempurna tak?
like korang ni maksum x? xde wat salah?
of course not right..
so do i..
walau aku rasa apa yg aku buat tak salah tp mybe bg org lain salah
aku tak salahkan dorang sbb dorang maybe x paham or TAKNAK paham
but it's okey..at first i do give a shit
menangis memalam tak boleh tido pkir "apa salah aku?" wuwuwu
seharian x makan sbb x da selera fikirkan sangat masalah3..
mmg menjerat kepala otak aku sungguh2 la 
sampai rasa nak buat keje bodoh tauk..
*not suicide okeh

but then..bila fikir2 balik..
why should i give a shit on things like that?
yg kau fikirkan sangat masalah2 tu knape?
relaks sudah..
kau bukannya dah x da pape..
kau still Nurul Azawani..
x hilang satu cell pun dr darah kau sbb masalah2 ni..
kalau kejar bnd yg akan pergi,berbaloikah?
kalau la kau sanggup buat kerja bodoh demi someone yg his blood doesn't run through ur bloodstream
mmg dgn kau2 skali bodoh namenya..
and positive thinking start functioning in my mind..
satu je aku berpegang
"kalau dia milik kita,dia tetap akan kembali pd kita no matter what"
and he did..

okey tu baru satu problem.
blm yg hal between father-daughter lg
itu pun buat aku jiwa kacau jugak
but then slowly i think what my father told me was right..
he was so right..
he said that for my own benefit..
ntah la knp sebenarnya even aku ni banyak jugak la make my father proud
tp aku pun banyak jugaklah make my father "hampa"
like aku ni the one yg camne nak ckp eh
suke buat bnd ikut aku je
aku je yg betul,aku je yg menang
things like that la..

seriously aku mmg failed bab menangani masalah
dulu first putus cinta menangis kaw2 gila sampai berhari2 x surut
pastu time dpt result low pehh aku down sampai xnak sentuh buku langsung 
then when ada krisis with parents mula la fikir "nak lari dari rumah la"
tu lah akal remaja..sume rasa dia betul ja..
x ada critical thinking..
how i hate being a teenager even actually it is the most amazing moment in our life..

ingat lagu fauziah ahmad daud..
dalam kehidupan ini..yg terindah..
melalui usia remaja..suka duka gurau senda
silih berganti 
meninggalkan kesan abadi

then i realise..
wani,kau dh semakin dewasa..
u should think outside the box..
don't think emotionally..
think critically..
let people make shit on us..
but make them regret it later
show them that you don't give a shit
show them that you are special 
let them see how amazing you are..
as a girl who grown up educatedly..
jangan jd bodoh..
jangan kejar bnd yg nak pergi
jangan cari bnd yg dh hilang
tapi hargai apa yg dlm genggaman..
jadikan kesilapan satu pengajaran

and here i am..
still living in my own life
keep moving forward and let the bygone be bygone
lantak lah org nak kata apa..
lantak lah nak mengutuk or what so ever..
i really don't give a shit..
kau kenal aku sapa?
kau kenal hati budi aku?
shut up and live ur own life..
aku bukan jenis perempuan yg bila marah dok mengutuk2 kat status fb
aku bukan jenis nak memaki hamun pe sume dekat fb
that really not me
aku baca,aku diam
walau hati rasa nak menangis
walau diri terasa amat diperkecil
walau kecewa..
tapi Allah tahu segalanya..
aku takkan cari pasal dgn sesiapa..
not even a piece of shit i would dare to throw it to you
coz i am not like u guys who tau mengata,tau mengumpat on the surface
without knowing how the inner part was..
stop being pathetic 

-thanks for reading-

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