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Sunday, July 7, 2013

rain and rainbow

somewhere in 2006.

aku, angah, hanis farhan, and zakwan . kami berempat berada di garisan permulaan. 
as soon as aku jerit, “mula!” , sehabis tenaga masing2 mengayuh basikal menuju ke garisan penamat. 
and somewhere along that time, rantai basikal aku terputus. can imagine what happened?

Ya, aku jatuh menyembah jalan tar.

Sakit, pedih, berpinar.

Kepala terasa berpusing laju, bayangkan, selaju-laju ada kayuh basikal and then the bike malfunction, seriously teruk gila impact jatuh masa tu.

My leg and hand was badly wounded. My head was spinning inside.

I didn’t cry. Even a single tears. I walked back home, said to my mum, “mak, ada plaster?” and my mum was shocked when she saw blood all over my hand and leg. “Ya Allah, ni kenapa ni??”

“Jatuh. lumba basikal. dgn adik2.”        
                      
I was in Form 2 at that time. Form 2 for God sake. Matang sangat kan.


April, 2008.

Ujian selaras pertama.
I was in Form 4. Baru masuk sekolah SEMETRO, my dad was a teacher there.

Dpt markah ujian addmath pertama. cikgu kata, 

“ada 5 orang dpt markah kosong dlm kelas ni. kosong.”

Kemudian satu persatu nama dipanggil ke hadapan utk ambik kertas ujian.

“Nurul Azawani binti Kamarudzaman.” I move forward. Ke meja guru. Once that paper bertukar tangan, I look at my marks. Ops. Mark. I got ZERO. I am one of my classmates who got ZERO.

That was my first failure. Demi Allah, sepanjang aku sekolah dari tadika sampai form 3, aku tak pernah gagal, and aku paling banyak dpt A. I even once got 100% for my English paper in form 2 and form 3.

But at that time, I failed, for the first time. Aku senyum.
I didn’t even cry.
Balik rumah, I promised myself, “kau tak akan fail addmath SPM, kau tak akan gagal lagi dah lepas ni.”

And yes, I did not fail anymore after that.
And yes, I got A for my addmath paper in SPM.


May, 2009.

It was raining at that time. I was in tears. A lot of tears.
I read a text, from my boyfriend’s phone.

He was cheating on me.
With other girl.

He, was the first boy I ever loved so much.

I didn’t cry that much when I had my first accident.
I didn’t cry that much when I had my first failure.
But I cried a lot of tears when my first true love, broke my heart in pieces.
He once promised me, that he will love me forever.

Ahh, epic, failed.
Monkey love sucks.
And it got even sucker when I was kinda stupid girl at that time.

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t even get out from my room, all I can do was just thinking about him all the time.

Love sucks, ain’t it?


March 2013.

In front of Masjid Sungkai,
with Taufiq’s  dad and his auntie.

“pakcik nak tanya kamu ni, kamu betul serius dgn Ahmad Taufiq? Nak kahwin dgn dia?”

diam. tiada jawapan utk itu.

“emm, nape pakcik tanya?”

“dah berapa kali topek telefon pakcik bagitau hajat nak kahwin dgn wani, nampak serius benar. Jadi pakcik nak tanya wani depan2 wani ni, depan masjid rumah Allah ni, wani betul nak kahwin dgn dia?”

diam sebentar. kumpul kekuatan. senyum.

“ye pakcik.”
 “ye apa? Jawab penuh.”
 diam, gelak. “nak penuh mcm mana pakcik?”
 “ye saya nak kahwin dgn Ahmad Taufiq.”

aku ulang. “ye saya nak kahwin dgn Ahmad Taufiq.” sambil senyum2 geli hati.

“Alhamdulillah, depan rumah Allah ni ye saksi kata2 kamu.”

Senyum. Ye pakcik.

Lepas tu ayah dia belanja makan. Really awkward at that time.


2013, present.

“ehh apa kedekut sangat dgn awek sendiri ni?”
 “awek?? Baik sket, tunang k.”  marah dia kalau sebut ‘awek’ dia.

Senyum lagi.


well,
You can’t have a rainbow, without a little rain. J


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